


Here's Some Money Try Not to Start a Revolution

by CrystalDinnerGuest



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Black Comedy, Gen, Homeworld is not Horrible, Jailtime, main character injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 23:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15784512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalDinnerGuest/pseuds/CrystalDinnerGuest
Summary: Now that they're on Homeworld the Crystal Gems have no idea how much Homeworld has changed. Here's hoping they will survive





	1. Chapter 1

The Crystal Gems along with Blue and Yellow Diamond watched the white bubble containing Steven and White Pearl grow smaller and smaller. It reached White's Palace and disappeared.

Yellow Diamond spoke solemnly “Well that went pear shaped, quickly.”

“Yellow!” shouted Blue Diamond.

“Er, yes, of course,” Yellow Diamond dug into her pockets. She pulled out a pile of credits. “Here's some money. Try not to start a revolution.”

Before Connie could take one micro credit Yellow Diamond stood up.

“What about me?” asked Connie.

“You should stay with us. Homeworld is not used to organics,” replied Blue Diamond.

“And you should go back home,” pointed out Garnet.

“We can't. Those ships you trashed were our homes,” said Yellow Diamond.

“But surely you have other palaces?” asked Pearl.

“They're on other colonies. Which we cannot reach right now. Face it clods we're not going anywhere,” said Yellow Diamond.

A blue figure popped up from below. Lapis waved her hand.

“Hey,” she said.

“Lapis, what are you doing here!?”exclaimed Pearl.

“I reformed and decided to catch up to you. Nice of you to leave before checking to see if I was okay,” said Lapis.

“Why you-” spluttered Pearl.

“Enough!” commanded Yellow. “Here's some money. Try not to start a revolution.”

As Lapis flew away. Yellow stepped back. She heard a loud squawk.

“You monster, you just stepped on Connie,” shouted Amethyst.

Yellow looked down at the growing red puddle. The human was clearly dead.

“Oh crap!” said Yellow Diamond.


	2. Yellow Diamond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie's back and Yellow Diamond discovers no Gem is above the law.

“'Oh crap' Is that all you can say? You murdered my student!” shouted Pearl. She pounded on Yellow Diamond's leg.

“Don't be silly. You have intend to kill somebody in order to murder them,” said Yellow Diamond coolly.

“You, manslaughtered her!” shouted Pearl still pounding on Yellow's leg.

“Pearl, enough you're making a scene,” said Blue Diamond.

“Enough! Enough! Connie is dead. Whether Yellow Diamond meant to or not,” shouted Garnet.

“Pah you're all overreacting. I can fix this. Blue do you still have that shoe scraper?” said Yellow Diamond.

Pearl howled and screamed as Yellow Diamond scraped off Connie's remains from her boot. Amethyst joined in as Yellow put the remains in a messy pile.

“Calm down I can't concentrate with you wailing,” scolded Yellow Diamond.

Yellow unzipped her pants. The Crystal Gems looked in horror as Yellow Diamond poured her healing essence on Connie. Her remains glowed and a mostly intact Connie stood up.

“I'm alive,” cried Connie. There were tread marks on her face.

“Yes, courtesy of my healing essence,” bragged Yellow Diamond.

“And I'm yellow and wet,” said Connie.

The Gems had the decency to keep quiet. Blue Diamond was the first to speak.

“Now you look like a Gem. How about you go explore the wonders of our Homeworld,” Blue Diamond gently pushed Connie forward.

“But I no ideaaa,” shouted Connie as Blue pushed her off the ledge.

“Hey what's the idea sending Connie off on her own?” shouted Amethyst.

Yellow picked up Amethyst. Ignoring her shouts Yellow Diamond dropped Amethyst off the ledge to. “Hey, Connie! Here's a friend to help you explore.”

Yellow smiled smugly. Her smile fell as she saw the helicopters come zooming in.

“Yellow Diamond, you are under arrest!” shouted an Agate from one of the helicopters.

“This is absurd. We've only been on Homeworld a few minutes. What's the charge?,” answered Yellow Diamond.

“Indecent exposure. While we are glad to see you my Diamonds. We didn't want to see so much of you.”

The Agate landed her helicopter on top of Pink Diamond's ship. She stepped out and pulled out her handcuffs.

“This is ridiculous. I am the head of the Military. You can't just arrest me,” spluttered Yellow Diamond. Her hands glowed.

“My Diamond assaulting an officer is a serious offense. Sorry, my Diamond but no Gem is above the law.” 

Somehow the Agate had snapped the cuffs on two large fingers. Seeing that they were on the same hand it wasn't effective. 

Watching at a safe distance Pearl smirked. She snapped a picture on her cellphone as the Agate led Yellow Diamond off the ship.

A couple of hours later Yellow Diamond sat scrunched up in a tiny cell. Her entire form filled up the cell.

“This is cruel and unusual punishment,” she shouted.

“You're telling me,” said an unfortunate prisoner wedged against the force field.


	3. Lapis Lazuli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still not used to changes in Homeworld Lapis decides to spend some time in a luxury hotel. What could possibly go wrong?

Looking back from her infirmary bed Lapis considered her day. So much had gone wrong but at least she didn't make a fool of herself or end up getting arrested.

It started as soon as she landed in the streets. Loaded up with Blue's money and finally a free Gem Lapis was determined to enjoy herself. She could eat at a fancy restaurant, watch a show or even stay at a luxury hotel. Then she saw it. 

The sign on the shop said ' Gem Polishing' in large friendly letters. Lapis was surprised see such a shop out in the open. Still that didn't stop her from going inside.

“I'd like my gem polished, right away,” ordered Lapis as she put her money on the counter.

“Ma'am you can't enter here. You're not wearing shoes,” said the reception Pearl.

“So? I won't be wearing clothes when I get polished,” replied Lapis.

Shocked, a large Topaz covered the ears of a young Aquamarine. She scurried away. 

“Ma'am I'm not sure what kind of place you think this is but this is a family establishment,” said the Pearl.

Lapis put some more money down and winked, “Get me a private room and a burly Pearl.”

“I've told you again we're not that type of establishment, please leave.”

“Then what does this place do?”

“Just go!”

Lapis left muttering to herself. Then she came to a fancy restaurant. Outside on the patio a Ruby was cooking a delight for some happy customers. As soon as she stepped inside the Ruby turned around.

“Ma'am you cannot come here without shoes,” said the Ruby.

“Fine!” shouted Lapis.

She slammed the patio gate and marched down the street. Finally she found a solution to all her problems. There in a small shop window was a display of shoes. As soon as Lapis stepped into the store a shop Pearl stepped forward.

“Ma'am you cannot step in here without shoes,” said the Pearl.

“That's why I'm coming in here,” said Lapis.

“Nevertheless your feet are filthy. I cannot let you try on the merchandise.”

“Don't you have any socks? Never mind just let me speak to the owner.”

“I am the owner.”

“Figures, I'm taking my money and finding a hotel.”

The endless day was getting late. Lapis flew to the blue quarter looking for a likely place to roost. There were so many to chose from but Lapis saw the perfect place. Right before her was a huge spire. Lapis Lazulis and Aquamarines flew to and from it. Even far away Lapis could see the swimming pools and gardens. Lapis found a landing pad and landed. A small Aquamarine floated above a desk.

“Welcome to The Capital Luxury Hotel, how may I help you?”smiled the Aquamarine.

“Do you have any problems with me not wearing shoes?” asked Lapis.

“Of course not.”

“Then I'd like a deluxe luxury suite with my own swimming pool.” Lapis pushed a pile of money on the desk.

“Very good. Right this way your brilliance.”

The Aquamarine led Lapis to the top floor and to a large door. Before she could open it Lapis stopped her.

“Do you have room service?” she asked.

The Aquamarine smirked, “In this room you can get whatever you want.”

The little Gem opened the door. Lapis ran in all starry eyed. The room was huge. Inside glowing robinoids lit up the room. Its only flaw. The room and furniture were all varying shades of blue. In the bedroom Lapis could see a huge bed fit for a Diamond. While on the balcony rested a huge swimming pool. 

The first thing Lapis did was go for a swim. She was about to form a swim suit when she realized that she was alone. Phasing off her clothes Lapis dove in naked. She swam in the pool until she got tired and cold. Putting on the complimentary terrycloth robe Lapis padded into the room.

She found the communicator and contacted the front desk, “I'd like a pot of space tea, please.”

The Aquamarine laughed, “Oh you colonists are so quaint. You have a food synthesizer and printer in the room. Read the manual and it will explain everything.”

Grumbling Lapis picked up the instruction manual. As she read the instructions Lapis was sure that the writer did not speak era 1 as a first language or at all. The pictures didn't help either. It was as confusing as an Ikea instruction manual. Throwing it across the room Lapis walked over the synthesizer.

“Hey Googleplex make me a cup of space tea,”ordered Lapis.

“Please place the cup under the nozzle,” said the synthesizer in a tinny voice.

Lapis searched searched the surrounding cabinets for a simple cup. Again and again the synthesizer asked for a cup. Finally Lapis found a cup in what she assumed is the closet. She placed it under the synthesizer. Nothing happened.

Frustrated Lapis peered under the nozzle. A jet of scalding hot liquid hit her face. Lapis screamed, her limbs flailing she crashed into the walls and furniture. She heard a loud crack as her gem broke. 

Not again thought Lapis.

Not quite in her right mind Lapis decided this was the right time to get some shoes. 

“Hey Googleplex. Make me a pair of shoes,” ordered Lapis.

“We have many styles. Please look at the holoscreen to make your selection,” said Googleplex.

Snarling Lapis randomly jabbed the panel. From one of the corners a small robinoid crawled up. It opened up a compartment and peered up at Lapis.

“Please place your foot into the compartment,” it said in the same tinny voice as the computer. Her form flickering Lapis stuck her foot into the compartment.“For your own safety please do not move your foot while in the compartment.”

The robinoid started the printing process. Lapis could feel the shoe being printed right on her foot. Suddenly there was a sharp pain. Screeching Lapis kicked the robinoid to the other side of the room. She looked down at her foot. There impaled in her flesh was a piece of the shoe.

“For your own safety please do not move your foot during the printing process,” repeated the robinoid.

“Oh shut up,” snarled Lapis. 

She formed a water fist and smashed it. Staggering to the bed Lapis called room service once again.

“Room service, how may I help you?” asked the Aquamarine.

“Get me a Pearl. One that knows how to use this crap in here,” shouted Lapis.

“It will cost extra,” said the Aquamarine.

“Just do it!”

Moments later a small green Pearl in a yellow dress entered the suite. 

“Greeting I am your service Pearl. How may I help you?” said the little Pearl.

Lapis screamed and blacked out. The next thing she knew she was lying stomach down on a hospital bed.


	4. Connie and Amethyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst and Connie try their hand at the education system.

Yellow Diamond's aim proved true Amethyst landed right on top of Connie. Alone in a strange new world Amethyst blinked at the strange sites. Above her loomed tall crystalline building. At her feet scurried robinoids of all shapes and sizes. And all around her were signs in a strange language.

“So what are we going to do? Are we going to storm the palace? Free the underclass? Undermine the system?Set up a rescue party for Steven?” asked Connie eagerly.

“No! You like only been been here a few minutes you want to start a revolution already? Just what do you know about Homeworld?” said Amethyst.

“That the population is under the heel of a bunch of evil overlords,” shot back Connie.

Amethyst looked around. There were some young Aquamarines playing jump rope in the air. Gemlings laughed and played in the park, while a group of Rubies entered what appeared to be a bar.

“Yeah, they look really miserable,” said Amethyst.

Connie was about to open her mouth when Amethyst's cellphone rang. 

“Hi Pearl,”said Amethyst. “It's going to take that long? Well what is Blue doing? Staying there. Lovely. We'll keep you posted, bye.” Amethyst turned to Connie. “That was Pearl. The negotiations are going to take longer than we thought.”

“How long?” asked Connie.

“Maybe a few weeks, months, decades.” Amethyst was sweating.

“Excellent we can start up an underground resistance, reach out to the common Gem.”

“Hold on there, you just died and came back like yellow. How are you down with all this?”

“When I first became Steven's knight I knew I wouldn't lead a normal life. I have a destiny to fulfill and I intend to do it.”

“You are like billions of light years away from home, from school, your parents, your friends.”

“I'm in middle school and like all my friends are here.”

“That's sad. Listen up, since I regularly get my ass handed to me, we are going to a military academy. We are going to learn about the latest fighting styles, Homeworld weapons and the lay of the land. All the while keeping our heads down. You got that?”

“I'm trillions of miles away from home and I can still hear my mom talking.”

“Then I'm doing my job.”

Amethyst led Connie down the streets. Not taking a break they walked for hours until Amethyst saw a yard filled with small Quartzes like Amethyst lined up in a row. As they marched inside Amethyst grabbed Connie's hand.

“There's our cue let's go inside.” ordered Amethyst.

As they followed the students onside a rather motherly looking Agate stepped in front of them. 

“May I help you little ones?”asked the Agate as she leaned forward.

“Er, yeah, my friend and I would like to attend this school. How much does it cost?” said Amethyst.

The Agate laughed, “Oh you colonists crack me up. School is free on Homeworld. Your guardians are the ones to sign you up. Now run along now and go get them.”

As they stepped outside again Connie spoke up, “Well that was a waste of time.”

Amethyst pulled out her cellphone, “We're not done yet. Hey Pearl, Connie and I want to sign up for some classes. Where are we? I don't know I can't read. We'll be waiting outside.”

A few moments later a pink bubble floated down. It landed on the school yard and dissipated revealing a very businesslike Pearl.

“Right, let's get you both signed up shall we?” said Pearl.

She took them to the head office. The principal an Agate was there to greet them. She frowned at the sight of Pearl.

“Hmph, for such an important meeting I expected your owner to be here,” said the Principal.

“I own myself thank you very much,” replied Pearl.

“And you're the guardian of these two? Never mind, I swear the colonies are getting weirder and weirder. So do you have the Gemlings' emergence records?”

“No I found Amethyst in an abandoned kindergarten. Connie here came to me for lessons in sword fighting. Now I have some questions. We've only just arrived. Is this a day school? What is your curriculum? How many classes do you have? How many students in a class? Do you have a library?”

“Now, now calm down. The War Hero's Military academy is the top of the line day school. Our founder, Jasper, believed that since Era 2 Gems emerged undeveloped that it was imperative that life skills be taught to them as soon as possible. Blah – blah “

Amethyst stopped listening she looked around the office. All around were pictures of Jasper, Jasper inspecting a line of kids, Jasper sitting in a cockpit surrounded by kids and Jasper cutting the school's ribbon. It was a whole other side that Amethyst had never seen. Amethyst snapped to attention when she heard the word assessment.

The Agate led Amethyst and Connie into a room. She was impressed when Amethyst produced a whip or when Connie showed her moves on the practice dummy but she was not impressed when Connie picked up a sword.

“That's very nice sweetie but swords are so last Era. Let's see how you do on the written assessment shall we?” said the principal. 

The assessment went as Amethyst predicted. The pages all looked like they were written in Chinese. The Agate looked at Connie and Amethyst with dismay.

“I think I know the perfect class for these two,” said the Agate.

The next thing Amethyst knew she was in what appeared a human type Kindergarten. Small Era 2 Quartzes sat around a circle while a motherly looking Nephrite wrote on a holoscreen.

“Now, repeat the Gem Alphabet with me,” said the Nephrite.

Amethyst buried her head in her hands.

Connie in the meantime had been sent to another class. The Agate pushed her in.

“I don't know what a Connie is but you look like a Jasper. Let's try you in this class,” she said.

Inside Connie found herself surrounded by thin stripey looking Gems about half her size. The young Gems were playing with some sort of drone while a Rutile watched.

“Okay Jaspers, time to land the drones. It's time for reading lessons,” said the teacher.

“I thought Jaspers were big and bulky,” said Connie.

“General Jasper was not a standard model,” informed a small Jasper with a long braid.

“So she was defective?” said Connie.

The Gems all stared at her with stunned silence. Finally the teacher spoke.

“That has got to be the most disrespectful thing I have ever heard. The Great Jasper was a hero both on and off the field. Why the time when she gathered up her injured comrades during the great evacuation is the stuff of legends!”

“So she ran away?”said Connie.

“Stand in the corner now!”shouted the Rutile.

The first day and Connie was already in detention. This was not a good start.

Amethyst in the meantime had to endure story hour, snack time and the crafting table. She yawned in boredom. The Nephrite sidled up to her.

“Feeling a little tired are we? Well don't worry. It'll be nap time soon,” said the teacher.

“I'm a full grown Gem,” said Amethyst.

“Then why are you so – oh I am so sorry. You're defective.”

“I'm just a little overcooked.”

“Weak and useless.”

“I'm not weak.”

“How can you go on knowing that you cannot perform your function? Why the shame you must endure every day.”

“I'm perfectly happy!!”

“Well there's no need to shout.”

Connie had been staring at the wall for three hours straight. When Amethyst marched in.

“C'mon, Connie we're going. If I wanted to be talked down to I'd spend time with Pearl.”


	5. Pearl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl takes a trip into town and meets some old friends

As soon as Yellow Diamond was carted off Blue Diamond set straight to work. She hitched up her skirts and walked back into the bridge. The two remaining Crystal Gems followed her.

“Right, Pearl, I need you to contact both Yellow's and my Pearls. Have Yellow's Pearl contact the police station and post bail,” ordered Blue Diamond.

“I'm surprised your Pearl isn't clinging at your coat tails,” said Pearl.

“I'm sorry retrieving the Cluster was dangerous work. Yellow and I actually care about our Pearls. What did you expect? That we would take them into battle with us?” shot back Blue Diamond.

“Blue Diamond I stopped being a servant a long time ago. Why should I help you?” 

“Because without Yellow Diamond's help I can't face White Diamond alone. Besides are you not going to visit your old lovers?”

“Enough, “ shouted Garnet. “Pearl's personal life is none of our business. Just how long will White Diamond keep Steven?”

“Not long, just a couple of decades,” replied Blue.

As Pearl dialed up Amethyst. Blue spoke up again. “Try reaching our lawyers Zircon and Zircon.”

“I will do no such thing. I am calling Amethyst after which I am going out and exploring Homeworld on my own,” snapped back Pearl. She flounced out of the bridge.

After leaving the ship Pearl went for a walk. Everything was so different. The streets seemed strangely empty. There were far fewer Gems out on the streets. In Pearl's time slave caste Gems would be scurrying to do their master's bidding. Instead robinoids of all shapes and sizes crawled and flew about their tasks. All around holoscreens flashed and gave out information. As for the Gems themselves, Pearl didn't recognize half the castes.

The Gems were either small and childlike or they wore tech like Peridot used to. All of them seemed to have their faces glued to their screens. Feeling tired Pearl decided to take a break at a cafe. A robinoid scurried right up to her table and dispensed her drink right on the table. It also printed out a slice of light cake.

Losing her appetite Pearl decided next to see a show. Art had always been an interest of Pearl's but unless it was a musical performance Rose was never interested. The performance piece looked very interesting. At least the audience didn't seem to peering into their holoscreens.

The hall dimmed. 20 scantily clad Pearls scurried out. They jerked and twitched to loud booming music. Suddenly a wall of noxious black slime covered them. They still danced on. Some of them slipped but still kept on dancing. A wind rose up blowing white feathers onto the Pearls. It was all too much. Pearl shot up from her seat.

“Stop, this degrading display right this instant,” shouted Pearl. She ran up onto the stage and looked directly at the tarred and feathered Pearls. “My fellow Pearls, why you go through with this? You are your own Gems, free and capable of making your own decisions. Rise up against your owner and claim your dignity.”

“We already bought our own freedom,” said a rather feathery Pearl.

“And rent isn't free either,” said another.

“You mean you're here voluntarily? But still who is the engineer of this revolting display?” asked Pearl.

A Pearl in a beret stepped forward, “I am. Thank you very much for ruining my performance art piece.”

“Wha!?”

“Now here's the door. Don't let it hit you on the way out.”

A couple of Rubies came up and carried Pearl out. They shoved her out the door and onto the street. Shocked Pearl blinked she had a lot to learn. It was time to find a library but the streets were all so different now. Finally she came to small shop selling tech. She approached the shop Peridot.

“Excuse me, can you give me directions to the library?” asked Pearl.

“You want to read books in real time? That is so last Era,” said the Peridot. “A screen's the way to go. With this you can access the Homeworld wide web. Keep up with the latest news, access the latest holodramas and the latest literature from any site including the library. Let's set up a payment plan shall we?”

“I don't need a payment plan,” said Pearl.

She pushed a pile of money on the desk. The shop Peridot's jaw dropped.

“We, we have the latest holoscreens and portable computers. They come with color 3 D holoprojections,100 tera chips RAM and already have installed the latest games, and virus protection. Here take a gander at the G pad,” said the Peridot all too eagerly.

Pearl tried the G pad. She couldn't make heads or tails of the symbols and the writing was in tech speak. As she jabbed the control pad it buzzed. It was humiliating.

“Do you have anything idiot proof?” asked Pearl.

“That ma'am is idiot proof. Might I suggest purchasing some technical support like this Peridot?” 

The Peridot pushed a smaller younger version of herself. The tiny thing was still sucking on a binky. It looked up at Pearl with it's big eyes. Buying a Gem was against everything that Rose stood for but once on Earth this child would be free and Peridot could use a friend. 

Moments later Pearl exited the shop holding the little Peridot in her arms. There was still so much to do.

“Now baby, I want you to find me Yellow Pearl 1 and Blue Pearl 1,” said Pearl in a motherly voice.

The little Peridot jabbed the screen. Soon enough Blue and Yellow Pearl's image appeared on the screen. They were standing in front of what appeared to be a school.

“Baby be a darling and translate the screen to Era 1 script will you?”asked Pearl.

According to the files her sisters had formed a training center for Era 2 Pearls. Touted as the best place to procure Pearls, graduates were sold at reasonable prices. If Pearl had blood it would be boiling. They were training and selling children. Furious Pearl was about to hail a taxi when she felt something wet.

“It looks like someone needs changing, let's go to the baby store shall we?” 

Moments later Pearl walked out of a baby store with a bundle of goods. She hailed a cab and drove back to the Leg ship. When she entered Blue Diamond was sitting alone, drinking a cup star coffee.

“You're back early,” said Blue Diamond.

“You're still here. My tech support needs a nap,” replied Pearl.

“I thought you Crystal Gems were all about freedom and then you buy a toddler.”

“I need her services. Why don't you something useful and watch the baby for me.”

As Pearl was setting up the baby's crib, her cellphone rang. “Hello, Amethyst you want to take some courses?That's - actually a good idea. Where are you? I'll take the bubble to find you then.” When Pearl hung up she turned to Blue Diamond. “Do something useful and take care of the baby will you?”

Before Blue could say anything Pearl had left. Suddenly the baby started screaming. Blue looked down at her large hands considering the baby was so tiny and she was over 30 feet tall this was a bad idea. 

Pearl in the meantime had finally found Amethyst and Connie. They were waving in what appeared to be a schoolyard. Pearl dissipated the bubble.

“Right, let's get you both signed up shall we?” said Pearl in a very businesslike fashion.

She was greeted by the principal, an Agate who had the gall to think she was a servant. Then it was onto the combat assessment which went very well. The written assessment did not. Pearl cringed in embarrassment. She never thought it necessary to teach Amethyst or even Steven Gem script. Seeing them both put into the lowest levels Pearl walked back to the leg ship.

When she came back Blue Diamond and the baby were gone. Pearl cursed loudly she really needed the baby right now but no matter she could always get a cab.

At the base of the leg ship Pearl finally hailed down a cab. A Peridot embedded into her vehicle stopped. Were those things everywhere?

“Take me to Yellow and Blue Pearl's training center right away,” ordered Pearl.

The car rose up in the air and zipped through the buildings. It stopped at a large blue and yellow striped compound. Outside little Pearls stood around listlessly. They stared numbly as the car landed. Pearl stepped out.

“Ahem, aren't you forgetting something?” said the Peridot.

“And what would that be? I already paid,” asked Pearl.

“My tip, so that I can buy my freedom.”

“I'll give you a tip. Rise up and strike out on your own. You're the one holding your chains.” 

Pearl slammed the door shut and walked out. The Peridot sighed.

“And how do I get off of this clodding car then?” muttered the Peridot.

When Pearl marched inside she saw Yellow Pearl squawking at some tiny Pearls. As they stood stiffly, Pearl could see they wore shock collars. One little Pearl looked at her only to receive a shock from Yellow Pearl then Yellow Pearl turned around.

When she saw Pearl she ram towards her and gave her a bone crushing hug. 

“Pinkish good to see you. Finally got a break? How are you?” squawked Yellow.

“Fine, I'm actually free-”

“Hey Blue, Pinkish has come to visit us!” shouted Yellow Pearl.

Blue was watching a far too small Pearl pour a cup of tea. When the little Pearl spilled a drop Blue shocked her. The little Pearl dropped and broke the teapot earning an even bigger shock. The child fell twitching to the ground.

“Clean that up by the time I get back,” ordered Blue Pearl. “Pinkish, it is good to see you.”

“I see that you opened a school. That's unexpected,” said Pearl.

“Well we had to after our Diamonds left us to get the Cluster,”squawked Yellow.

“And you haven't questioned where they've been?” asked Pearl.

“A Pearl never questions her owner,” said Blue in her whispery voice.

“Besides we saw the news. My Diamond will set things right in no time,” said Yellow Pearl.

“Well you've been very productive. Can you show me around your facility?”said Pearl.

“Of course right this way,” said Yellow Pearl. “Our facility takes newborn Pearls and molds then into the perfect servants. As soon a Pearl enters our facility we install a conditioning collar. Though still infants they are conditioned to be quiet and stay still...”

The Yellow and Blue Pearl led Pearl through their chamber of horrors. Toddlers stood still on an electrified floor. A little Pearl fell on her bum only get shocked. In another room babies lay still in their cribs, many had dirty diapers and the horrors kept on going. All the while Pearl would take selfies with her old friends. When they were done Pearl thanked them and headed to the nearest Police Station.

She was now getting used to tech speak so reading the signs was no problem. When she finally got there she marched right up to the front desk. 

“I'd like to report a case of Gemling abuse,” blurted out Pearl. She shoved her cellphone right in the Agate's face.

Yellow and Blue Pearl had put the children in their rooms for the off shift. Blue poured a bottle of energy wine into two glasses. Yellow hoisted a glass this would be the first of many.

“A toast to another successful day and with Pinkish back on Homeworld we have a chance to get an excellent teacher,” said Yellow Diamond.

Suddenly there was a pounding at the door. 

“Law enforcement open up,”shouted a green Agate before kicking the door in.

A group of policing Gems stormed in led by Pearl. They ran past the shocked Blue and Yellow Pearls.

“The Gemlings are in here,”cried Pearl.

The Agates took pictures of the Gemlings in their cells. Some of the more motherly Agates scooped up the children now crying while a couple of other Agates pinned Blue and Yellow down to the ground.

“How could you betray us?” shouted Blue in a loud voice.

“Not so tight!” yelled Yellow as an Agate slapped the cuffs on her.

“Simple, it was bad enough that we went through our conditioning but to put children through this? Unbelievable I thought you were better than this,” replied Pearl. Now her attention focused on the children themselves. She turned to the lead Agate, “What's going to happen to them?”

“The children will put up for auction where most likely another trainer will buy them. It will bring in much needed funds to our police force,” said the Agate.

Pearl pulled out her wallet, “How about we skip the middle Gem shall we?”

“Holy shale! You got a deal your brilliance.”

Pearl smiled and turned to the children. “All right all of you who can walk pick up your sisters. You now belong to Pink Diamond's court.”

When Connie and Amethyst returned their jaws dropped. The ship was full of baby Pearls. Juvenile Pearls of all ages ran around. A couple were fighting over a toy while a small group played a game of hopscotch. In the center of this chaos Pearl looked on proudly.

“Well don't just stand there, give me your money. I have to buy some clothes and toys for these little ones,” ordered Pearl.


	6. Garnet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet tries to start a revolution

Finally Garnet and Blue Diamond were alone on the bridge. In the past Garnet was terrified of Blue Diamond but thanks to Steven she wasn't any. She glared at the massive tyrant but Blue seemed to be all too calm.

“Is there something you want to say?” said Blue Diamond. Her voice was chilly.

“You may have fooled everyone else but I know what you are, shatterer,” said Garnet.

“Is this about me sentencing that Ruby of yours to be shattered?”

“And the thousands of others.”

“But mainly that Ruby isn't it? You always prioritized personal issues Sapphire. Very well I'll tell you why, Garnet is it?” Garnet nodded. “My court is a court of culture and decorum and you just knocked into my Sapphire and essentially fucked her right in front of everybody.”

“Fusion is not like that. You would know if weren't so afraid of it. It is melding of -”

“Oh come off it. It totally is. How did you think Pink was born?”

“You mean? Fusion -?”

“Exactly, cross Gem fusion is banned because it creates babies, babies that are an unknown quantity. I don't know why you aren't up to your eyeballs in little Rubies and Sapphires by now but there it is.”

“Still that doesn't change the fact that you shattered thousands of Gems.”

“That was war. A war which you started I might add. Now go do something useful or shut up.” Blue shut her eyes.

“What are you doing?”

“I'm trying to contact Yellow on the astral plane. Without her by my side I cannot face White Diamond or do you not find what happened to your Steven?”

“You shouldn't be dependent on Yellow Diamond. Try standing up for yourself alone.”

“Says the permafusion. Have long have you been together?”

Snarling Garnet marched out. As ship left the bridge Blue called out to her, “You have no idea what Homeworld is like now. Try not to make a fool of yourself.”

Once Garnet was outside she scanned the horizon. The Capitol was built up and robinoids were everywhere but Garnet knew that it hadn't really changed. Ignoring the stares of the passerbys Garnet marched straight to the Temple of Oracles. There were some young Sapphires lounging at the gate. It was just like this when Garnet was a novice.

The young Sapphires all wore miniskirts and had their singles eyes glued to their holoscreens. That should have been Garnet's first clue. Instead she knocked the screen out of the nearest Sapphire's hands and unfused.

“Sapphires for far too long you have been passively viewing the future,” announced Ruby.

“Now is the time to take an active part in your future. Join with us and learn the power of freedom, fusion!” announced Sapphire.

“We like already make the future,” said a White Sapphire.

“We are totally into fashion. Whatever we say goes. Speaking of which your dress is so last minute,” added a Green Sapphire.

“Fashion!? Fashion!? Is that all you care about? You pebbles should focus your life on more important things,” cried Sapphire.

“Like what?” said White Sapphire.

“Like sharing your life with another!” shouted Ruby.

“Ew, did that Ruby just talk to us? Gross,” asked a yellow Sapphire.

“Oh she's more than just a Ruby,” said Sapphire.

Right before the young Gems eyes Sapphire fused with Ruby. They stared wide eyed at the new fusion.

“She's also my partner,” said Garnet. “Behold the power of fusion, the power of love. As Garnet I am far greater than the sum of my parts. I am stronger, faster and can see many possibilities instead of just one stale future.”

“But you fused with a Ruby, ew,”said Green Sapphire.

“What's wrong with a Ruby?” Garnet could help but form her gauntlets.

“She's like totally a nobody,” added White. “Now if I were to fuse it would be with that totally hot Jasper.”

The other Sapphires nodded in agreement.

“Besides what you're pushing is like totally illegal,” said a younger version of Sapphire.

Garnet knelt in front of the young Sapphire, “And do you know why it's illegal? The Diamonds forbid it because they want to control reproduction. With the power of fusion you can have your own offspring, each one a beautiful and unique creation of your love.”

“Babies? Ew, like we're saving up for a Pearl. Why would we want a messy smelly Gemling?” said White Sapphire. The other Sapphires laughed. “Go away you pervert before I call the police.”

She should have expected that the upper classes wouldn't be interested in change. Fuming Garnet stormed away from the Temple. She roamed the streets. Presently she was in the nice part of town. Nobody would be interested in a revolution around here. High caste Gems and their Pearls stared at her. Garnet traveled for hours looking for a likely audience and then she saw it.

A Ruby entered a very nice looking building. Judging by the size it appeared to be a castle but Garnet was able to decipher the writing. A large sign in front said '10th Sector Community Center.' Garnet marched in. She found the Ruby sitting in a class with several low caste Gems. 

“My fellow Gems now is the time for change. Seize a better life for yourselves,” announced Garnet.

“Er, we already are,” said the Ruby.

“This is a literacy class,” added a Topaz.

“And you will always be under the heel of the Diamonds. I'm talking about true freedom. I'm talking about revolution,” stated Garnet.

“You expect to take arms against the Diamonds?” scoffed a Bismuth. “And who will supply our weapons? Our ships? Our robinoids? I can barely pay the rent and you want me to take up arms?”

“Why should we risk getting shot at?”said a rather cowardly Obsidian.

“In order to earn your freedom you must risk everything,” said Garnet.

“But we are already free,” said the Ruby. “This literacy class allows us a better life without risking anything.”

Garnet couldn't think of anything to say. Suddenly the doors behind her burst open. Garnet whirled around. Two burly Agates and a rather pissed looking Peridot stood in front of her.

“That's her alright. She's the one disrupting my class,” said the Peridot.

The two Agates rushed at her. Thanks to her future vision Garnet was able to dodge their blows but she didn't take into consideration the Peridot. A blast of energy hit her full on the face. Garnet focused on the green Gem. The Peridot's blast canon was smoking.

“Leave my fracking class,” said the Peridot her body shaking with rage.

Garnet grabbed the Peridot by the shirt and slammed her against the wall. The force was so great that it shattered the wall. The Peridot poofed instantly. Garnet ran out into the streets. She ran and ran down into the tunnels where nobody would bother to look. It had gone so wrong. 

She stopped by a maintenance hub. Peridots and robinoids ignored her as they went about their business. Then Garnet saw it. 

The slumping shoulders. The stained and torn jumpsuits. Here was the underclass that she was looking for. Garnet found Peridot to be annoying but she had it admit the girl was tough. These Gems however were too worn down to be any use. 

Garnet shoved a Peridot aside and scanned the map of Homeworld. There was a warp pad right within a Peridot Processing Center. Located in an asteroid it's position was easily defensible. The fusion jumped onto the warp pad and in a flash she at the processing center.

The warp pad was guarded by a couple of Nephrites. Before they could react Garnet poofed them both with her gauntlets. She charged right out the room and into the hall. Finding a likely door Garnet smashed it open.

Garnet shouted,“Peridots you have been recruited by the Crystal Gem arm-.” 

The fusion pulled down her glasses. The roomful of Peridots said not one word. How could they? They were all babies. One of the babies dropped its plushie. While another burst into tears. Soon the entire room started crying.

“I'm sorry,” said Garnet as she picked up a baby. 

The child twisted in her arms. Garnet tried putting in a binky but it spat it out. Garnet set the baby down and slowly left the room. As soon as she was out the door an Agate slammed her against the wall.

“You're under arrest for abducting property,” snarled the Agate. 

It all happened in a blur. The Agate snapped on a pair of cuffs and dragged her to the warp pad. Then the Agate dragged her to a large cell. Or it would have been large if not for Yellow Diamond. The Agate wedged the fusion right under Yellow Diamond's ass.

“There now sit on that!” snarled the Agate.

“Let me guess, you tried to start a revolution,” said Yellow Diamond.


	7. Blue Diamond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally alone Blue Diamond sets to work finding out where Steven is and freeing Yellow Diamond

Blue leaned back in her seat. Finally she was alone. She tried her best to get comfortable but it wasn't easy. This was Pink's ship, not hers. She would have been more comfortable sitting in her palanquin. Maybe her palanquin would already be fixed. No it was time to concentrate on the task at hand.

She tried clearing her mind. It didn't work. So many thoughts were whirling in her mind. Pink, no Steven, was alone with White Diamond, Yellow was in jail and there were known rebels running around in the Capitol. If they were smart they would get a hotel room and lay low. Still, Blue couldn't help but think what White would do to Steven, to her and Yellow. Yellow, however, was safe. A simple lawyer could take care of business.

Cracking her fingers Blue decided to get down to business. “Computer, contact Zircon and Zircon attorneys at law.”

The computer buzzed an error code. Of course, this ship was over 6 000 years old. It wasn't connected to the Homeworld wide web. Did Blue actually have to walk to the lawyer's office? An elite Gem and over 30 feet tall? Why that was unheard of even in Era 2.

Still there was one place she could contact. Blue pulled out the Diamond communicator. It was time to bite the bullet. She took a deep breath and contacted White Diamond's frequency. The holoscreen popped up. White Diamond's Pearl stared out at her.

“I wish to speak to White Diamond,” ordered Blue.

The screen shifted. White Diamond's face filled the screen. She smiled stiffly.

“Blue, how are you dear? All by yourself I see. You showed great courage contacting me alone. I don't like it.”

Just like that White Diamond cut Blue off. Blue tried contacting her again but White wasn't answering. Blue Diamond fumed. She heard the door sliding open and that Pearl came in carrying a Peridot Gemling.

“You're back early,” said Blue Diamond.

“You're still here. My tech support needs a nap,” replied Pearl.

“I thought you Crystal Gems were all about freedom and then you buy a toddler.”

“I need her services. Why don't you something useful and watch the baby for me.”

As Pearl was setting up the baby's crib, her cellphone rang. “Hello, Amethyst you want to take some courses?That's - actually a good idea. Where are you? I'll take the bubble to find you then.” When Pearl hung up she turned to Blue Diamond. “Do something useful and take care of the baby will you?”

As soon the rebel Pearl had left the baby started crying. Blue looked at her huge hands. At her size there was no way to take care of it. Where was Yellow? She was the one good with children.

“Oh don't cry,” said Blue.

She peered over the baby. Then she saw it. That Pearl had left her G pad. As delicately as she could Blue attempted to pick it up only to encounter resistance. The little Peridot was pulling with all her might.

“Baby, let me have the G pad,” ordered Blue Diamond.

“No, mine,” shouted the baby.

The little Peridot still hung on. As Blue picked up the tablet the toddler hung in the air.

“Baby, let go I need to contact Yellow Diamond.”

Now the tablet and the baby were sitting on her large lap. The little Peridot jabbed the tablet and Yellow Diamond's location appeared. Blue Diamond peered down. Yellow Diamond was the the 1st Sector Policing Station. 

“Good baby, now contact Zircon and Zircon law firm,” said Blue.

Soon the screen flashed and a Blue Zircon peered through the screen.

“Well hello there sweetie, are you playing with your manager's tablet?” said Steven's old lawyer.

Blue Diamond gently picked up the baby, “Zircon I need your services. Yellow Diamond is being held at the !st Sector Policing Station. I need you to go down there and post bail.”

“With all due respect my Diamond, you can blow it out your ear,” snapped Zircon.

“This a direct command from your Diamond. Why do you choose to disobey?”

“Because the last direct command led me to being poofed by Yellow Diamond. There is no way I am meeting up with her again.”

“Then what about your partner?”

A green Zircon appeared on the screen, “You can shove it up your ass my Diamond. After Rose Quartz's trial no lawyer will go near you two.”

“What do you expect me to do? Pick up Yellow Diamond myself?”

“Exactly my Diamond,” with that Blue Zircon switched off the screen.

Blue Diamond grumbled. She placed the baby close to her chest and walked out. At the feet of Pink's ship. Blue Diamond stared at the city below. Her subjects were so tiny. One misstep and she could squash them like a Connie. 

“Hmm I wonder if my palanquin is fixed,” said Blue Diamond. The baby brought up the stats of the holoscreen, “Good baby, let's go get some ice cream afterwards.”

Blue snapped her fingers. Moments later, Blue could hear the screams. Her palanquin lumbered through the streets. It would occasionally step on a slow Gem and once nearly crashed into a kiosk on its way to her. Finally it stopped. Blue Diamond stepped in and sat on her throne. Now she was comfortable.

With Blue Diamond piloting the palanquin the ride was much smoother. Small Aquamarines joined her and hovered around her palanquin creating an entourage like days of old. When Blue Diamond finally reached the 1st Sector Policing Station the officers were staring outside in awe.

One of the officers had the presence of mind to salute. “You honor us with your presence, my Diamond. What brings you here?”

The palanquin was too large for the entrance so Blue Diamond stepped out. 

“Take me to my wife now,” ordered Blue Diamond with uncharacteristic bluntness.

The Agates sweated. The officer who saluted stepped forward.

“Right this way my Diamond.”

The green Agate led Blue Diamond to the cells. She was visibly sweating.

“Since her charge wasn't serious and due to her rank we placed her in the largest cell, my Diamond. But we don't get prisoners her size, my Diamond.”

Blue Diamonds pupils visibly shrank. There was the love of her life wedged into a cell. Her fellow prisoners we wedged in like prisoners of a Topaz. 

“Blue thank the stars you're here. They've put me in with murders and rapists,” said Yellow.

“We don't like it,” piped up a prisoner.

“Silence you,” ordered Yellow Diamond. She gave the prisoner a shock.

“Get her out of here right now,” said Blue.

“Certainly, do you have bail money?” said the Green Agate shyly.

“Let me access my account,” said Blue. The holoscreen buzzed. “Hmm, baby, access my account will you?”

The baby tried. The holoscreen buzzed. Blue felt outraged.

“Locked out. How in the stars, could that be?”snapped Blue.

Yellow stretched out to her full height. “Let me try. Shale, I'm locked out too.”

Suddenly a large white screen appeared. White Diamond peered at them with her fixed smile.

“Don't bother trying to access your accounts I've locked you out. Do you think I wouldn't notice that little Cluster growing inside the Earth? You should know by now that you can't keep secrets from me.” 

With that White Diamond shut down the screen. Yellow punched the wall.

“That stupid fool,” hissed Yellow Diamond.

“You're going to have to pay for that wall,” said the Green Agate. She shrank back as Yellow Diamond glared at her. “All in due time, your brilliance.”

“Nobody will be able to pay anything,” shouted Yellow Diamond. “Our accounts are directly linked to our courts. Our accounts don't just pay us but every member of our courts. So White Diamond didn't just cut us off. She cut everybody off.”

“And payday's tomorrow. They''l be rioting in the streets,” squeaked the Agate. “Wait where are you going?”

“We're mobilizing our best accountancy Zircons and encryption Peridots. And to think we were worried about those Crystal Gems running amok on Homeworld.”

“What about me?” called out Garnet.

“You tried to start a revolution,” shot back Blue.

The next stop the Diamonds made was the Yellow Bank. Considering that many of Yellow Diamond's court were armed and had ships it was the most logical step. Being discrete as possible for two giant beings they entered through the back door. A nervous looking Yellow Zircon welcomed them.

“Sorry about the tight fit, my radiant brilliant Diamonds but we never expected such august presences in our humble little backrooms,” tittered the Zircon.

“Enough of the chit chat have you sent out the military scrip?” snapped Yellow.

“Yes but that isn't legal tender in civilian circles.”

“It is now and send some over to Blue's bank. Now what about our accounts?”

The Zircon led them to some rather thin looking Peridots. They rose from their desks trembling.

“Tell them of your incompetence,” ordered the Zircon.

A rather young Peridot stepped forward, “There wasn't anything to decrypt. White Diamond just deleted your accounts.”

“Then where did all our money go?” shouted Blue.

“Nowhere,” squeaked the Peridot. “It's all gone. Even if we released all the gold and hard cash it wouldn't even begin to make up for all the lost capital, my Diamonds. Your colonial bank accounts are deleted too.”

“I never told you to do that!” shouted the Zircon.

“But it was necessary. Excellent job, you've earned your freedom,” said Yellow. “Now come with me. We're going to requisition a few items but first..”

Yellow opened up a line to White Diamond. The matriarch looked so smug.

“Right, you screwed us over. We've learned our lesson. Now tell us what you did to Pink Diamond,” said Yellow.

“Pink has been sent to her room where she'll stay for the next 100 years. Incidentally enjoy being homeless,” jeered White.

The holoscreen snapped shut. 

“Right that's that, time to outfit the ship,” announced Yellow Diamond.

When they finally brought a crew of shipyard Peridots into the ship, the Diamonds were in for a surprise. Baby Pearls were running a muck throughout the bridge. The human and the off colored Amethyst were running ragged tending to the little monsters while Pink Pearl's looked on proudly.

“You couldn't just stop at one baby could you? And now you've bought an entire string of Seed Pearls?” shouted Blue.

“I'm doing my part in spreading freedom,” answered Pearl smugly.

“Well, while you were off gallivanting, we actually found out where your Steven was,” snapped Yellow.

“Where is he then?” demanded the Pearl.

“He's right below in his cabin. Honestly his present incarnation is severely lacking brainpower,” said Yellow scornfully.

Pearl was about to open her mouth when the doorbell rang. The holoscreen showed the Green Policing Agate looking up sheepishly.

“Begging your pardon but we never agreed to the conditions of bail,” said the Agate.

“How about a simple barter? Healing essence for my release,” replied Yellow Diamond.

They could practically see the gears running in the Agate's head. “That would be acceptable.”

“Excellent, Pearl make me some star coffee and get me a large bucket,” ordered Yellow Diamond.


	8. While You Were Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crystal Gems finally get back home. It's a pity everyone's angry at them.

Connie stood in front of the view screen. She made a dramatic pose.

“Having defeated the evil Diamonds and overthrown their oppressive regime, the Crystal Gems return triumphantly to Earth,” announced Connie.

“We're right here,” said Blue Diamond.

“And you didn't defeat us. White Diamond orchestrated an economic collapse,” added Yellow Diamond.

“Coming with us are the newly liberated yearning to be free,” continued Connie.

All around the ship juvenile Pearls and a young Peridot milled about. All able bodied Gems even the Diamonds were tending to the children.

Amethyst picked up a young Pearl and sniffed her butt. “Well this one is yearning for a diaper change.”

Connie ignored her, “Ahh the Earth now safe from the Diamonds' evil clutches. How beautiful, how serene and how shiny it looks from space.”

“Shiny?” blurted out Steven. “Computer zoom in on the planet Earth.”

“This Earth is in a lot better shape than I imagined,” said Yellow Diamond.

The Earth looked like a crystallized parody of it's old self. Jagged continents lay along crystalline blue waters. Faceted mountains poked through the perfect clouds. Pearl rushed towards the panel. She bulged her eyes.

“Steven I'm detecting 50 billion crystalline lifeforms,” gasped Pearl. “And extremely high levels of radiation.”

“What about the Eastern seaboard? Is it okay?” asked Connie.

“I don't know everything's there it just appears wrong,” cried Pearl.

“Bring us in slowly,” said Yellow Diamond.

“Hey don't tell us what to do,” shouted Amethyst.

“She's right though we have no idea what's going on,” said Steven.

As they flew towards Beach City giant purple whales frolicked in the ocean while jeweled beaked puffins dove for silvery fish. Now getting closer to the shore a forest of emerald green trees rose up to greet them. A deer with crystalline horns stared at them while smaller multicolored animals scurried below.

The Crystal Gems' shoulders slumped in relief as Beach City came into view. It was the same as ever but the Temple was gone. In it's place was a huge yellow and blue complex. Steven landed the ship next to complex. As they and the Diamonds disembarked a crowd came up to greet them led by three people.

There were two Gems and one very familiar face. Lars had finally returned. Of the two Gems there was Bismuth sporting a new haircut and a slightly detached expression and the other was Peridot. The technician was far different now. Still wearing her old jumpsuit her bearing was more confident more mature but the biggest change was her limb enhancers. Peridot had remade them and though they looked smaller, more streamlined.

“Peridot!” Steven cried as he ran towards her.

The green Gem greeted him with a ringing slap. Diamond shaped pupils glared into his face.

“Where the hell have you been?” Peridot roared.

Connie ran at Peridot with her new sword. 

“Keep away from my Jam bud you bitch,” Connie shouted.

Peridot merely used her powers to pull Connie's sword from her hands. The girl still charged only to be tackled and pinned down by Bismuth. Connie kicked and screamed as the large Gem sat on her.

“Peridot, Bismuth why are you acting like this? What did-”

Peridot slapped Steven again, “Why am I acting like this. You left me on this rock while you sped off to Homeworld, not even bothering to see if I was okay or if I could have helped”

Amethyst stepped forward, “Hey we were only gone for a little while.”.

Pearl held Amethyst back. The crowd came closer. It was no time to fight.

“A little while!? A little while!? You were gone for over 1 000 goddamned years,” shouted Lars. 

“Of course relativistic time dilation,” cried Pearl. “Since we were traveling close to light speed what seemed like an afternoon was really hundreds of years.”

“If you waited for just one damned day I could have installed the clodding warp drive into that big pink eyesore,” snarled Peridot.

Steven teared up, “You mean my father's been dead for hundreds of years?”

“Oh no, Steven, once I knew that you were gone for centuries. I had you father frozen,” said Peridot.

A bright pink form stepped out from the crowd. Greg, Steven's father, pulled Steven away by the ear. Now entirely pink. He looked like he suffered a severe case of freezer burn. 

“Steven,you're grounded.”

“What have you done to my father you monster!?” shouted Steven.

“When it looked like you were gone for centuries Bismuth and I cryogenically froze your father so he would be there when you returned. It didn't work so I dipped him in Rose's fountain,” replied Peridot.

“And I'll never get to see my parents again,” sniffed Connie. She made sure to shed the expected tear.

“Oh no, I froze your parents too,” said Peridot.

Priyanka and Doug Maheswaran stepped forward. Just like Greg, both them were now a bright pink.

“Young lady, why are you that awful yellow?” asked Priyanka.

“Why are you pink?” shot back Connie.

“Don't give your mother lip. We are going to have a long talk about your behavior when we get home,” said Doug.

The Crystal Gems looked closer at the crowds. Some of their old friends were there like Kiki and Mr. Smiley but they were different. They now had Gem coloration and stones as did the rest of the crowd too.

“That still doesn't explain why you destroyed all life on Earth,” shouted Pearl. Yellow Diamond had to hold her back.

“Destroy life on Earth? I didn't destroy life on Earth. I saved as much as I could,” replied Peridot. “Using the kindergartens I downloaded the consciousness of all the life I could gather into gemstones and preserved the ecosystem as best I could.”

“Forgive them young Diamond. You have performed most admirably on your first colony,” said Blue Diamond slightly bowing.

“And why the hell are you here?” shot back Peridot.

“Watch your mouth,” snapped Yellow Diamond.

“They're our friends now,” said Steven. “Things didn't work out with White Diamond so they're living with us now.”

Peridot put her hand thingy to forehead, “You clods screwed up big time. I'm going back to the Complex. Try not to break anything.”

“Stu ball it's time to go home,” said Greg. 

He pulled Steven towards the Complex where the Temple once stood. The Crystal Gems followed. “Not you, after that little stunt you pulled I'm not letting anywhere near Steven.”

The Pearl and Amethyst looked on numbly as Steven entered their old home. The skies darkened and rain pelted down. Despite the Diamonds being soaked they managed to retain some of their dignity.

“Oh crap, Blue let's head back to the ship,” said Yellow.

Unbeknowst to the Crystal Gems a small green Gem followed them outside. On unsteady legs the little Peridot tottered away into town. Blue Diamond had promised the little Gem ice cream but like all grownups she forgot. Now the toddler scanned the shops looking for that tasty treat. The sky started crying but the little Peridot continued in her search. She saw an open door and stepped in.

There was a funny looking Gem sitting by a desk. The shop was filled with strange brightly colored packages. Were they toys? Still the little technician kept straight to her objective.

Jane was talking on her cell when a little guest marched right up to her. The tiny version of Peridot pulled out her binky. She stared up at Jane with a determined look on her face.

“Hi Sweetie, are you lost?”asked the former human.

“Ice Cream,” demanded the little Gem.

“We don't have any ice cream. How about we find your mommy?” The little Gem raced out of the shop. “Hey where are you going?”

Teenydot ignored her and continued on her objective. She saw big ice cream cone painted on a shop. The cashier, a large Amethyst, peered down as the little Peridot marched in.

“Ice Cream,” ordered the little Gem.

The Amethyst smiled broadly, “Of course, here, let me pick you up and we can choose a flavor.”

Greg led Steven into the complex. Like the Temple it was covered in crystals. Unlike the temple there were robinoids scurrying all over the place. On the way to Greg's apartment they passed several Gems working diligently. When they were finally there Greg opened the door. Steven was pleasantly surprised to see that it was like a typical apartment.

“Sit down. I'll get the robinoids to clean up your room,” said Greg.

Steven sat down at the table. So much had changed in the past few days and the biggest shocker was that Steven had been away for over 1 000 years. He didn't know where to begin.

“So - Peridot's a Diamond,” said Steven.

“So is your mother,” said Greg. “By the way we discovered her in Lion's man, hiding in a box.” There was a knocking at the door. “Speak of the Devil.”

A large pink woman in an orange jumpsuit barged in, “I heard that Steven was here and I just had to see him.”

Something snapped in Steven and he ran right out of the apartment.

Greg shouted after him, “Now you stay within the Complex! You're still grounded.”

Meanwhile it was finally getting dark. Seeing the coast was clear Connie picked up her sword and climbed down the stairs. 

“And where do you think you're going young lady?” asked her mother.

“Mom, Dad you scared me,” said Connie.

“Answer your mother,” said Doug.

Connie's parents stood stiffly and folded their arms.

“Simple I'm going to liberate this planet and set things right,” replied Connie.

“Connie there is nothing to liberate. Everything's fine,” snapped her mother.

“Fine? The world is a radioactive wasteland and everybody's turned into Gems!”

“Connie, there was a nuclear war 10 years after you left. Peridot saved as many people as she could,”sighed Doug.

“By turning everything into Gems?!” 

“Yes!” shouted Priyanka. “Do you know what radiation does to the human body? To life in general? Peridot gathered as many people as possible and turned them all into Gems. After some experimentation she did the same to the plants and animals.”

“So it's all fine and Peridot is living in the Temple as our king or something?” shouted Connie.

“Sit down and for once listen. We need to talk,” ordered Priyanka.

Peridot took her place at the boardroom. Lars and her lieutenants were all there.

“Right, how goes our guests? ” asked Peridot.

“The locals have no idea who the Diamonds are so are quite calm. The Gems are quite rightly worried,” said Rhodonite

“I've placed monitoring robinoids around the perimeter. When it started to rain the crew of the ship went back on board. It's been quiet since,” said Lars.

Peridot spoke up,“Which leaves us with the next question. What are we going to do about them? Steven?” 

“Peridot I must talk to you about the corrupted Gems,” said Steven.

“Oh we already cured that 500 years ago,” said a Nephrite.

“Centipeedle? But how?” gasped Steven.

“I really don't like being called that,” said the Nephrite.

“It's child's play really. By downloading the gemetic code of a healthy individual of the same caste, curing corruption was a snap,” boasted Peridot. “Now onto business.”

Fluorite barged in. She held a small Peridot child in her arms, “Sorry about this but we discovered this little gal wandering about the town.”

“Mama!” cried the little Peridot.

The toddler was filthy. On her way into town she slipped in a puddle and she was covered with ice cream. Peridot held her at arm's length.

“And where did you come from?” cooed Peridot.

“That's teenydot. Pearl bought her along with a bunch of little Pearls. We rescued them from a life of slavery,” said Steven.

Suddenly there was a pounding at the complex's door. A frightened Carnelian ran in.

“Peridot, Yellow Diamond is at the door,” she said.

“Right that's it. Meeting adjourned,”shouted Peridot.

Setting the baby down, Peridot and Steven marched up to the front door. Yellow Diamond's face covered the doorway. Still Peridot was not intimidated.

“What?!” she cried.

“The ship is getting cramped. Blue and I want to move into something more spacious,” said Yellow.

“Along with the toddlers you brought?” asked Peridot. Yellow Diamond reared back. “Right I want everybody and I mean everybody to leave the leg ship right away.”

Moments later, the two Diamonds, Amethyst, Pearl and over 50 young Pearls stood on the sand. Peridot frowned.

“Is this all of them?” asked Peridot.

“Yep we even have a Peridot. Wait that's a green Pearl,” said Amethyst.

Peridot glared at Amethyst, “Fortunately we found her wandering town. Now where's Lapis and Garnet?”

In another galaxy Garnet sat in an empty jail. 

“Hello?” she called out.

Back on Earth Pearl's eyes widened, “Oh Crap!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what next an X files crossover or a murder mystery?


End file.
